shelby

A LETTER TO SPRING

Wed, 29 May 2013 23:05:50 -0400

Hey gurl,

I love shopping for shoes on your website. It’s my go-to shoe site. I like the sizing of your shoes and the selection is always excellent the prices are great. You get me.

AT LEAST, I THOUGHT YOU GOT ME. UNTIL TONIGHT WHEN I SAW THIS SHIT ON YOUR HOMEPAGE.

STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

xoxo,

Shelby

Hi this was my weekend it was the very greatest ok bye

Mon, 27 May 2013 17:52:49 -0400

Hi this was my weekend it was the very greatest ok bye

So many tears. Also, today I’m finally seeing Book of...

Sun, 26 May 2013 09:28:07 -0400

So many tears. Also, today I’m finally seeing Book of Mormon. I may never stop crying.

Mom v. Cee-Lo

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:07:00 -0400

Cee-Lo: I would be a male exotic dancer.
Mom: HE DID NOT SAY THAT. HE DID NOT.
Mom: He obviously doesn't want to make any money.

My mom vs. Cee-Lo

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:45:55 -0400

Kris: Who's sexier than Cee-Lo?
Mom: Everybody.

A SUMMARY OF MY LIFE, SO FAR

Mon, 13 May 2013 13:55:00 -0400

Ages 7-present: Backstreet Boys all the time.
Ages 13-present: Jesse McCartney all the time.
Ages 16-present: Waiting for this moment.

Photo

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:26:36 -0400

ALL OF THE EMOTIONS. ALL OF THEM.

Sun, 12 May 2013 14:18:20 -0400

ALL OF THE EMOTIONS. ALL OF THEM.

How hard did you laugh when you heard Kanye rap “this is something like the Holocaust”...

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:43:06 -0400

How hard did you laugh when you heard Kanye rap “this is something like the Holocaust” IN A MOVIE SET IN 1922?

WTF

Fri, 10 May 2013 19:12:23 -0400

NBC didn’t pick up the John Mulaney pilot, which means that NBC is officially my archenemy.

I LOVE THE INTERNET SO MUCH IT HURTS.

Tue, 07 May 2013 22:57:00 -0400

I LOVE THE INTERNET SO MUCH IT HURTS.

12 yr olds

Mon, 06 May 2013 22:06:50 -0400

Me: How did you get that cut on your leg?
E: Oh, I just cut it at the grocery store. With cream cheese.

Basically.

Fri, 03 May 2013 10:47:10 -0400

Basically.

Photo

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 22:25:05 -0400

IMPORTANT BOOKMARKS.

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:16:00 -0400

IMPORTANT BOOKMARKS.

Photo

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:25:20 -0400

MOM, WATCHING THE VOICE

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 21:01:08 -0400

Mom: This girl is a bitch!
Mom: I hate seeing American Idol commercials. That show is the worst.
Mom: I would rather listen to Cee-Lo than Nicki Minaj.
Me: You've said that every week this season.
Mom: Have I? Well, I mean it.
Mom: I can't understand what they're singing about when they sing in Spanish.
Mom: BLAKE IS SO FUNNY.
Mom: Wow. I can't believe he stole her. That is pretty stupid.
Mom: Can you please put your feet down? You're sitting like Usher. It's obnoxious.

Hi there. So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent the last three months really angry...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 22:25:44 -0400

Hi there.

So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent the last three months really angry about what happened in Newtown. I’m mad that those sweet, beautiful, innocent little kids weren’t kept safe. I’m mad that their poor parents are now forced to face a life without them. I’m mad that the brave teachers and educators at the school that day were taken away from their friends, from their siblings, from spouses, from their kids. I’m mad about Oak Creek. I’m mad about Aurora. I’m mad about Tucson. I’m mad about the fact that innocent people die every day in the “land of the free” because guns abound.

Mainly, though, I think what makes me the most angry is the inaction of legislators. These people don’t represent their constituents. They work for lobbyists, for corporations that fund their campaigns in return for votes and tax loopholes and exemptions and so much other bullshit it makes my head spin.

Here is a list of the Senators that voted against the bill, along with the amount of money they received in their last election cycle from the NRA. I didn’t include their party because, honestly, parties don’t matter. Republicans and Democrats aren’t on different teams. Their loyalty begins and ends with the people that write their checks. These numbers are from the Center for Responsive Politics, which is kick-ass site that we should all be reading daily.

Lamar Alexander (GA) - $13,350

John Barrasso (WY) - $9,899

Max Baucus (MT) - $7,450

Roy Blunt (MO) - $9,900

John Boozman (AR) $2,000

Richard Burr (NC) - $7,900

Saxby Chambliss (TN) - $9,900

Tom Coburn (OK) - $2,000

Thad Cochran (MS) - $5,000

Bob Corker (TN) - $4,950

John Cornyn (TX) - $500

Mike Crapo (ID) - $5,950

Ted Cruz (TX) - $10,150

Mike Enzi (WY) - $5,950

Deb Fischer (NE) - $4,950

Lindsey Graham (SC) - $7,400

Chuck Grassley (IA) - $6,950

Orrin Hatch (UT) - $5,000

Dean Heller (NV) - $9,900

John Hoeven (ND) - $4,950

James Inhofe (OK) - $8,400

Johnny Isakson (GA) - $2,500

Mike Johanns (NE) - $4,950

Ron Johnson (WI) - $1,000

Mike Lee (UT) - $2,500

Mitch McConnell (KY) - $9,900

Jerry Moran (KS) - $3,000

Lisa Murkowski (AK) - $4,500

Rob Portman (OH) - $9,900

James Risch (ID) - $4,950

Pat Roberts (KS) - $5,950

Marco Rubio (FL) - $4,950

Jeff Sessions (AL) - $4,950

Richard Shelby (AL) - $8,450

John Thune (SD) - $8,000

David Vitter (LA) - $4,950

Roger Wicker (MS) - $7,450

Vote these motherfuckers out.

So sweet. So naïve.

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 19:31:18 -0400

So sweet. So naïve.

“My biggest adrenaline rush of the day was watching tribal council.” — things I...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:29:00 -0400

“My biggest adrenaline rush of the day was watching tribal council.” — things I said in both 2001 and 2013